


I Don’t Wanna Miss You

by haikyuuxi



Category: C-Pop, K-pop, NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:55:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25670194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikyuuxi/pseuds/haikyuuxi
Summary: Kim SeoAh was never the type to have friends. Despite wanting them, she always found herself with enemies and bullies. SeoAh got to the point where she didn’t want friends because they always turned out for the worst. Moving schools became quiet the common for her and she became used to the fact that she would never have ture friends until one school changed her outlook on having friends.
Kudos: 1





	I Don’t Wanna Miss You

Chapter 1 : Day 1, Again

_ Friends are overrated.  _

I thought as I walked alone to school.

I _mean who needs friends anyways?_

I kicked the ground as I walked, frustrated at the situation. 

_ New school, new people, new problems. _

I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts, thinking things will be different this time, but I also had that thought three schools ago. 

_Maybe I should turn around now? My first day at Yongsan High School can be tomorrow._

I stopped walking down the sidewalk and weighed the pros and cons of not going to school today.

_ Pros:  _

_ I won’t be at school. _

_ I won’t have to deal with being a new student again, or at least for a day. _

_ I won’t have to deal with introducing myself.  _

_ Cons:  _

_ Tomorrow will be my first day as a new student. _

_ I’ll only be prolonging the inevitable.  _

_ I’ll have to lie to my father. _

_ I’ll have to find something to do until school is over so I won’t be suspicious. _

I rolled my eyes and sighed as I picked up my feet and continued on my way to Yongsan High School, seeing as the cons are not favorable. 

_ Everything will be okay, it won’t be like before.  _

I kept telling myself over and over as I closed the distance between me and Yongsan.

I soon found myself standing in front of the iron clad gates of Yongsan High School, swarms of prestigious students bustling around the entrance and throngs of them streaming across the school yard.

I audibly gulped as my head spun in turmoil as clouds of anxiety pillared in my mind. Scenes flashed in my head and I pulled on the collar of my school uniform trying to loosen the grip of the past. 

Students filtered past me, brushing against my shoulder, making me feel trapped and closed in.

I inhaled sharply. 

One student yelled at me for being in his way.

I exhaled shakily. 

A crowd of hungry eyes loomed around me. 

I forgot to breathe. 

I closed my eyes shutting out the world around me.

_ Kim SeoAh get it together or you’ll just make things even worse for yourself.  _

I punched my leg as I dug my nails into my palms. 

“ _ Breathe, okay? _ ” a gentle voice sounded in front of me. 

I opened my eyes to see a shadow of a boy directly in front of me, his shinning leather shoes greeted me. I slowly lifted my head to meet his face, all the while my eyes scanned over his perfectly fitting uniform and his sparkling watch that complemented the school colors. Blonde hair adorened his head and his round framed glasses embellished his face. 

I lower my head again as I noticed the crowd of students swelling around us. 

My nails dug deeper into my palms as I stood there. 

“ _ Are you new here? Is there anything I can do for you? _ ”  the boy asked, sincerity resonated in his words. 

I picked my head up replying,  “ _I just transferred here, so I don’t know much, but I’ll figure it out, thanks._ ” 

My eyes darted around the crowd of students, some had their phones out, most likely snapping pictures and others nonchalantly stood around waiting for something else to happen.

“ O _kay, I understand, new school, so you want to find things out for yourself._ ”  the boy said.

I nodded my head slowly and gave a faint smile. 

The boy smiled in return as he reached his hand out towards me.  “ _The name’s Xiaojun_. ”

I unclenched my fist and took his hand. 

“ _ SeoAh, _ ” I said my name as we shook hands. 

“ _ Well if you ever need anything SeoAh, I’m here _ ,” Xiaojun smiled.

I politely smiled in return at Xiaojun and pulled my hand back. 

My face flushed red as I felt the crumble of paper in my hands.

_ Did this guy just slip me his number!? And he doesn’t even know me!? _

I quickly tried to recenter myself and walked away from the hoard of students. 

I slowly unfolded the note find Xiaojun’s number along with a note: _“_ _ If you are ever scared or need anything I’ll be here.”  _ A cute face was draw out beside his note along with his name. 

I stood there dazed as students dispersed and walked along the school yard trying to figure out when he wrote the note and how sincere it actually was. 

“ _D ing, Ding, Ding, Dong.”_

My head shot up as the school bell rang and the deep realization set in that I was going to be late to my first class on the first day of Yongsan High School.

_Maybe I could somehow make it to class and not be embarrassingly late,_ I thought as I sprinted across the vast court yard towards the looming school building.

My feet hit against the ground and my heart pounded in my chest,

_ SeoAh you can do this! _

My brain fought my anxiety but my heart was already failing as I reached the front entrance of the school.

_ A first day from hell, again. _

My shoulders slumped as I entered the school and the distinct smell of school hallways greeted me. I looked down at my feet to see my white shoes stained with grass and dirt.

“ _ Great _ _,_ ” I sighed.

“ _ Looks like you’ll have to clean your shoes later today Miss Kim _ _._ ”

I looked up from my shoes to see the principle of the school standing in front of me with another student at his shoulder.

“ _Miss Kim this is Winwin, he is our class president,”_ the principle said as he motioned beside him , “ _and he will show you around the school. You’ll be late to class as you were supposed to be here earlier but I will write an excuse and let it pass this once_.” 

Mr. Wang had a stern look in his eye that sent chills down my spine.

The tall boy named Winwin stepped forward. His school uniform looked perfectly ironed, not a single wrinkle in sight. His shoes were shined to a sparkle, not a scuff or scratch to be seen. 

I trembled inside at the sight of his perfect attire compared to my wrinkled skirt and dirty white shoes that barely met the dress code of the school. 

Winwin’s hair was slicked back and slightly parted down the middle. His bangs swept to either side of his face, allowing his forehead to show. A sparkling diamond earring adorned his left ear and an expensive looking Rolex laid easy on his wrist. The cuff links of his jacket were a bright and shinning gold compared to the brass cuff links of my jacket. His waist was encompassed by a Gucci belt. 

My heart beat faster thinking how out of place I must look among the rich like Xiaojun and Winwin. 

“ _ Miss Kim. Miss Kim. Kim SeoAh. _ ”

I snapped my attention back to see the principle and the class president staring at me.

“ _ Yes _ ?” I answered sheepishly as I lowered my head.

“ _ I asked if you were ready for your tour _ _,_ ” Mr. Wang replied a slight grumble in his voice.

“ _ Ah, yes _ ,” I said, as I forced a smile onto my face.

Mr. Wang turned and walked away leaving the hallway echoing with the sounds of his shoes against the linoleum floor.

Winwin turned and began walking towards other parts of the school. I followed him quietly as he pointed out various classrooms and students.

“ _Those two walking down the hall there are Ten and Hendery.”_ Winwin pointed to two boy walking down the hall. “ _The whole school thinks they are gay for each other but pay that no attention. The were both adopted by some mobster when they were younger and went through some terrible shit together, that’s all, but no one knows it._ ”

I watched the two boys as they walked admiring their ordinary school clothes and how they carried themselves as they went down the hallway.

“ _Then why don’t they say anything or why don’t you say anything if you know?_ ”  I asked, naively.

“ _ Because _ ,” Winwin said as he stepped in closer to me. _“_ _In this world it is eat or be eaten_.”

I could feel his breath on my face as I took a shaking step backwards.

_ “ _ _I will not stoop down to help others or show any signs of weakness to help anyone_.” 

His words felt cold and heavy in the thick September air. I took another step back as he inched his body closer to me.

“ _And anyways,_ ” he said, his voice dropping from the menacing tone it was seconds earlier. “ _I hear they also use it as a ploy with the girls since the girls tend to drop their guard around them since everyone thinks they are gay. I’ve heard they have been to quite a few all girls sleep overs. Lucky bastards.”_

His breath brushed against my ear as he leaned in closer. 

I clenched my jaw.

_ Why does this have to be me? _

_ “You know you don’t look half bad yourself.” _

He said as he brushed back a strand of my hair.

I stood there frozen, not knowing what to do or what to feel.

“ _Sicheng, what are you doing!_?” a voice came from further down the hall.

_ “ I swear you are nothing but trash. You hear me! Trash! Stop harassing all the girls at this school! They are not your personal play things, they are humans!” T _ he boy yelled as the sound of his feet hitting the floor grew closer.

_ “ If you don’t step away from her I will personally remove you from the face of this earth! I am not even joking right now! I have had it with you Sicheng!” _

Winwin stepped back just as the boy stopped a few feet away from us.

_“ Listen Yangyang, just go back to class, like the good boy you are. You know I always get what I want. ”_

I shakily inhaled, at that, my mind racing with all the possibilities of what he wanted.

_ “Just because you are high on daddy’s money and get everything at home does not mean that you get to walk around every where else treating people like they are nothing but objects for your taking and pleasure.”  _ Yangyang said as he stepped up to Winwin, his shoulder broad with power and defiance.

Winwin rolled his eyes and let out a huff. 

“ _Ya know you really do have a trashy mouth on you,Yangyang_. ” Winwin said as he nonchalantly picked at his nails.

_ “ And I do hate people with trashy mouths. You really ought to get that fixed one of these days before someone fixes it for you. Now you and I both know I would never harm anyone. I was just showing this lovely new student around this grand school of ours and we were just having the most grand time. She was just a little nervous about her first day and I was just offering“ _ Winwin paused mid sentence humming before he continued. “H _ er a delightful distraction, which you so rudely interrupted. Now if you’d run along and mind your own business.”  _ Winwin said as he waved his fingers in Yangyang’s face with a crooked smile.

My heart pounded at a break neck speed in my chest at the thought of being left alone with Winwin again. My eyes locked with Yangyang’s and I pleaded with him not to leave me.

_“ Sicheng I swear to God I will take you out myself, right here and right now!” _Yangyang said as he stepped closer to Winwin, their noses almost touched.

_ “ Chill Yangyang, have you never had a little fun yourself? Why don’t you live a little? ”  _ Winwin said pushing Yangyang hard on the chest.

_ “ Oh, that’s right you don’t have fun because you’re afraid your crazy old man will beat the shit out of you if you do anything out of line. ”  _ Winwin’s voice was vile and full of venom.

Yangyang stood there, his fist clenched by his side, shaking with what I could only assume was rage.

_ “ Winwin is the tour of the school going well so far?”  _ Mr. Wang asked as he strolled around the corner. 

Yangyang’s fist unclenched and Winwin’s attitude seemed to shift immediately.

_ “ Yangyang was just offering to finish showing SeoAh around the school so that she can see the school from two different perspectives rather than just mine. I think it’s a great idea don’t you Mr. Wang ?”  _ Winwin said a righteous smile pasted on his face.

Mr. Wang looked over the rim of his thick glasses at me and then and Yangyang.

_ “ Well if it’s okay with you, since you are the class president. But Ms. Kim you don’t look so good. Is everything alright ?”  _ Mr. Wang asked, his eyes interrogating me, tearing away at my flesh.

_“ I’m fine.” _I said, my voice weak as my eyes fell to the floor staring at the spot directly in front of my shoes.

_ “ Well then let me be on my way so you can get on with your tour of the school. Yangyang I trust you know how to behave yourself around this young lady and will not cause any problems. And as for you Winwin keep up the good work being the class president .”  _ Mr. Wang said as his eyes locked on both of the boys. Mr. Wang then nodded his head towards me before he turned back down the hall he came from.

_“ Have fun showing her around Yangyang. I don’t like pricks anyways.” _Winwin said as he winked at me and strode down the hall, his head held high.

The air suddenly became lighter and I let out a sigh as I let my body relax and slumped against the lockers. My knees weakened until I was sitting on the floor.

Exhausted would be one way to put how I felt in the moment but there are so many other words that I could have used to describe how I felt and each word conveyed a different emotion; sadness, fear, despair, horror, anger, unease, and the list could go on.

I let my head hang down, the silence of the hall pounding against my head, threatening to destroy me with one swift blow.

A body slid down the lockers a few feet away from me. I didn’t move.

_ “ I know you probably don’t want to talk about what just happened and I understand, _ ” his voice came quietly like the softness of a summer wind, “ _ but are you okay?” _

“ _I’m fine_. ” I lied.

_ “ If it was any other time and you said that I might would believe you and if this was a different situation I would press you to tell me how you really feel but I understand. I just want to make sure that you are okay after what happened.”  _ Yangyang’s voice seemed stressed as the words slipped out of his mouth.

_“ I’ll be fine, really. Don’t worry about me.” _I pleaded, knowing all the trouble that seems to follow me and that it would be better if Yangyang didn’t care.

“ _ Are.. _ .” I cut him off.

“ _ I said I was fine. Why do you care anyways ?” _

A stray tear rolled down my cheek.

I knew this school wouldn’t be different. I knew things could never change for me. What did I ever do to God to be treated like this? I wanted friends, but I didn’t want to ever burden anyone with things like this, situations like this; where I was sad or scared and they’d have to be there to pick up the pieces of what was left of me.

My mind whirled with nasty thoughts. I pressed my nails into my palms. 

_“ I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pressed on like I did. I hope you can forgive me.” _His voice was filled with sincerity and the sound of it broke my heart, that someone would show that compassion towards me and for only knowing me for a few brief seconds.

_“I t’s okay, you didn’t mean any harm.” _I replied, offering him a soft smile.

“ _ Are you okay _ _?”_ I asked.

“ _ Me _ _?_ ” he questioned, a surprised tone in his voice.

“ _I’m as tough as nails._ ” He said, putting on a smile and raising his fist defiantly.

I smiled at his valiant efforts.

“ _ So the tour, _ ” he said changing the subject, “ _ I was thinking that I could show you the garden and all the places the students like to hang out such as the cafeteria, lounge, and library. And then I’ll show you one of my favorite places in the entire school that only me and a few other students know about. _ ” 

Yangyang winked at me and gave me a warm smile.

_ “ And if you are uncomfortable with anything or have any questions let me know. I’m sure Sicheng just showed you where your classes are and that’s it. That is usually how he runs his school tours. But lucky for you that you have me .” _

Yangyang stood up with enthusiasm. 

“ _Sounds good._ ” I said as I slowly pulled myself together.

“ _So formally introducing myself I’m Yangyang._ ” He remarked reaching his hand out to help me up.

“ _SeoAh_.” I offered as I stood up.

I brushed the dirt from the floor off my skirt and readjusted my backpack. I looked up to meet Yangyang’s gaze and in that moment I was able to finally take in his looks.

Yangyang had a boyish face or maybe it wasn’t his face that was boyish maybe it was just his smile and the way the light seemed to reflect in his eyes. You could see the childlike tendencies in him. His hair was a light brown and it had a tussled look to it, as if he barely woke up and pulled a comb through his hair, but it somehow worked for him. His uniform was tidy and ironed, showing signs of immense care for the garment.His shoes were worn sneakers that probably barely made it past the dress code. I figured he just really liked the shoes and the feeling of wearing a perfectly worn in pair of shoes seeing that everything else he wore was in pristine condition. I smiled at him, his looks comforting.

~

I sighed as we continue down the hall my mind wandering rather than paying any attention to my surroundings. I looked up and we had already arrived at the library.

At my former schools the library was where I could escape the other students, it’s where I tended to eat lunch, buried behind the books where no one would find me. Yangyang opened the doors to the library and I followed him in, the familiar smell of books greeted me. I took in the bookcases lined with books of all sizes. My eyes swept across the vast room to the tables that were filled with students and my heart sunk a little.

“ _SeoAh are you coming_?” Yangyang questioned a few feet ahead of me.

I nodded my head and joined him.

“ _So this is Yongsan High School’s library. A lot of students tend to spend their time here, so it’s usually crowded and it can get loud sometimes.”_

Yangyang gestured towards the tables.

“ _Our library is one of the best that a high school can have, I’m sure you know that, as this is a private school and as you can see from most of the students that this isn’t just the average private school. Most kids that go here have parents that work big name jobs_.” Yangyang informed.

Inside I was panicking, unhinged thoughts filtered through my mind.

_ Where will I eat lunch to escape to people?  _

_ Big name jobs? Will they question me about who my father is? What will I say?  _

_ It would all just be better if I wasn’t here. _

“ _ SeoAh, do you need to sit down? You don’t look too good. _ _”_ Yangyang stated, his eyes searching mine.

“ _ I’m fine _ .” I lied again.

“ _ Okay _ ,” Yangyang replied a hint of disbelief in his voice. A moment passed before he spoke again, “ _w_ _ e’ll head to the lounge next, the cafeteria, the garden, and then my secret spot. ” _

~

The lounge was like anyone imagined a prestigious high school’s lounge would be like, a few leather chairs scattered about it along with some couches, coffee tables littered with Vouge and Top Media magazines raving about idols and personality quizzes. 

Students were strewn across the furniture, heels kicked up and heads back, a few were making out and others were studying. In the corner held two vending machines packed with sugary drinks and snacks.

~

_“ Here we have Yongsan’s cafeteria.” _Yangyang swung his arm outward showing off the enormous room.

“ _ Not many students here bring lunches from home because we have the best cafeteria. Sometimes it is open on weekends as a restaurant and the school uses the money earn then to put back into the upkeep of the school. Pretty cool if you ask me. _ ” Yangyang winked me as he talked. I softly smiled at him.

“ _So SeoAh how do you like the school so far_? ” Yangyang inquired.

I stood there for a second breathing everything in and mulling it over. 

“ _The school itself seems nice, nothing compared to my other schools. The students however. _ _..”_ I trailed off.

“ _Other schools?_ ” Yangyang’s voice was filled with curiosity.

I knew I had to handle this question carefully, I always did, but the fear that I would slip up, and expose my history of being bullied or even worse who my father is, still lingered in my mind.

“ _Yeah..._ ” I replied, scratching my eyebrow nervously.

_ “ So what other schools have you been to _ _?_ ” Yangyang pressed.

I stared at him and then my eyes dropped to the floor.

_SeoAh what are you doing. This isn’t what you’re supposed to do. I mentally cursed myself.  You have practiced the story so many times but why this time are you freezing up? I really can’t get anything right. What is the story?_

My mind went blank.

-

_ “ SeoAh, now when you go to school you can’t tell them you are my daughter, alright. _ ”

His voice echoed through my mind.

“ _ SeoAh they must never find out about you. You need to keep me and all the other schools you have been to a secret. ” _

His words circled around in my head.

_ “ SeoAh, the kids already bully you, how could you let them know I was your father, no one is supposed to know who you are .” _

I could hear the dissapointment in his voice even now and my heart sunk.

_ “ SeoAh, I really don’t know how many more schools I can move you too. I try to protect you but you always make it so hard for me. Don’t you know I’m your only father? Can’t you make life a little easier on me ?” _

My heart broke then and even the memory of his words now makes my heart ache.

_ “ SeoAh, you are almost out of chances. There are only so many high schools in Korea. I really don’t know what I will do with you after this. After your mother died you know I could barely handle seeing your face and you putting me through all of this makes it worse. I should have just left your grandparents. All you’ve done is cause me trouble! I can never rest with you around! ” _

I cringed thinking about that last argument we had. One might think that my father is unloving and in certain instances that might be true for any parent but he cared, or at least that’s what I have always told myself. He tried to look after me, but being a single father is hard enough but being the Minister of Education makes things a little more complicated. Of course there are people that love my father and what he does and then there are others who wait on his every mistake to crucify him. He really is just trying to protect me. Truthfully, not many people know he has a daughter and it’s not because he is ashamed of me, but because he has seen first hand what can happen to some of the government officials children if the public gets mad enough. One day he came home from work earlier than usual, he tore in the house like a mad man, headed straight for my room. I remember him breaking down and crying the second he saw me. Later that night as the news flashed across the tv I learned that the Minster of Strategy and Finance’s daughter had been kidnapped for ransom. The news told of how her father paid the ransom immediately but she still had not been returned to him 7 hours later. I could understand then the true weight of the burden I was to my father. He never really showed it but he must have worried for my safety everyday.

-

“ _ Here’s the garden. It’s not much but it’s nice _ _._ ” Yangyang’s gazed drifted to meet my eyes.

The entire walk to the garden I was so self absorbed, I didn’t even notice we left the cafeteria. 

I let out a sigh. 

I didn’t even know where the garden was located because I couldn’t get my mind to focus on what’s in front of me. 

I pressed my palm into my forehead.

_ “ There’s a bench we can sit at over there between the rose bushes if you’d like _ _._ ” Yangyang’s voice was carefully laced with concern.

I nodded my head and followed him over to the metal bench. We sat down together and let the silence of the garden envelope us. There was a slight breeze rustling the leaves and our hair. I breathed in letting myself relax. Everything felt a peace if only for that second.

“ _ I hope my tour is good so far _ .” Yangyang said as he turned to look me in the face.

I nodded my head, “ i _t’s great_ .” 

Offering a quiet smile I looked up into the sky, the clouds above barely moving in the breeze. Yangyang’s gaze followed mine and we sat there staring at the clouds letting time pass us by. If hours had passed us in that moment I would not know. Sitting there with Yangyang was beautiful, a moment in my life where my mind and the world were both at peace somehow. This would be nice I thought, if I could stay like this forever, if I could bottle this moment up and revisit it when I’m sad.

“ _ What are you thinking? _ _”_ Yangyang’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

Yangyang’s eyes were fixed on me, studying me.

“ _ It’s nothing. _ ” I said looking down at the grown, analyzing the dirt.

“ _ You can tell me, _ ” Yangyang said, his voice beamed with excitement to know what I was thinking. 

“ _ Just that this is nice, sitting here with you is nice _ _._ ” I said, the heat rising in my cheeks. I knew they had to be a deep shade of pink by now.

I looked at Yangyang when he didn’t answer, a smile has spread across his face. 

“ _ What _ ?” I questioned feeling self conscious under his gaze.

“ _ Nothin _ _g_.” He answered.

Silence fell upon us again and it was peaceful.

“ _The last spot_ ,” Yangyang spoke up, “ i _t’s kind of a secret between me and my friends. We stumbled on it one day by accident and it’s been our special place ever since.”_

_”Are you sure that it’s okay to show me then?”_ I questioned.

Yangyang smiled at me as he got up from the bench and motioned me to follow him.

~

The walk to the secret spot was quiet, filled with the sound of our sneakers on the floor and hushed whispers of teachers lecturing student in the classrooms. 

We came to a stairwell at the end of the hall and began our way up the steps. When we reached the second floor of the school we stopped briefly and looked out the window, giving us a view of the school yard. 

I held my breath in that moment, trying to savor the feeling that I had in my chest.

The air, the view, the comforting feeling that radiated from standing by Yangyang.

Minutes passes, doors were opened and closed, people were passed in the hallway, time stopped and then started again, and stairwells were climbed. Finally a door came to view and I could see a visible change in the way that Yangyang walked, he had a spring to his step with anticipation. 

Yangyang turned and looked at me a smile in his eyes, “ _ This is it _ _,_ ” he said proudly. “ _ This is a place where you can come to feel safe and to feel free. _ ”

I smiled at Yangyang, a feeling building in my chest, sadness but a sense of happiness and security, “ _ Thank you, _ ” I muttered.

Yangyang opened the door and stepped through the doorway and I quickly followed behind him. My eyes quickly adjusted to the change in light. The sky opened up around us and the sun enveloped us in it’s midday warmth. 


End file.
